Stress levels can be high on a weekday – especially if you’re unfortunate enough to find yourself on Market Street.
On one of Manchester’s busiest shopping streets, manoeuvring your way through town is made all the more difficult by the truly terrible pedestrians that use the thoroughfare.
We’ve categorised them here in the attempt of helping you avoid the worst offenders…
1. The snail
Blissfully unaware of anyone else’s pace, the snail prefers to move at their own speed.
Their own fuckin’ maddening speed.
2. The dilly-dallier
Most often a tourist, this lover of life lives in the moment.
You’ll see them forming massive, pedestrian-blocking circles around buskers and stopping to take pictures with living statues for some reason.
3. The abrupt stopper
These geniuses look like they’re moving at a decent pace until they decide to just stop all of a sudden, causing a domino effect of fury for everyone walking behind them.
It’s as if they want to be punched in the back of their head.
4. The swarm
Generally composed of school children or foreign exchange students, these slow-moving groups are seemingly unaware of the teeming masses which loathe them.
5. The power walker
These sassy women mean business, walking to and from work in their runners because they live life in the fast lane.
And they will walk through you if they have to.
6. The weaver
You’ll spot these desperate individuals dodging, diving and squeezing their way through the horde of slow pokes like a feckin’ quarterback.
7. The brolly-carrier
Apparently once you buy an umbrella you lose all sense of spatial awareness.
8. The text-and-walkers
Are you being serious right now? You actually think it’s okay to text while walking in the middle of rush hour foot traffic?
9. The ‘chicken’ players
Walking directly towards you with no sign and changing course, these pedestrians live for the sheer thrill of being a dick.
10. The tailgater
You know that kind of person, the one who walks in the same direction as you, at the same speed, and so close that you can feel their breathe on your neck.
These are probably the worst human beings on the face of God’s green Earth.