Getting married is one hell of a journey – and not just an emotional one, as you prepare to commit the rest of your life to someone you truly love, but also one of planning, of learning and life lessons that will stay with you for a long time.
Whether you like it or not.
Here are 28 nuggets I learned over the course of planning my wedding, which I WISH someone had told me on day one…
1. You’ll realise wedding cake bakers are actually a reincarnation of the pyramid builders of Ancient Egypt
No less than a structure you’ll be given, a bloody structure.
2. You’ll become more familiar different types of paper than you ever thought possible
Now is that a matte or a sheen? Textured? A6? D4? 250gsm? Eggshell? White? Like white white or off-white?
3. You’ll come to understand that nothing will interfere with the civil ceremony solemniser’s lunch break
“The ceremony will have to be 2.30pm – I’ll be on lunch before that.”
4. Words like croquembouche, boutonnière and corkage will replace your old vocabulary
It is who you are now.
5. You’ll spend like a maniac under the guise of ‘it’s for the wedding’
They can’t touch you and they know it!
6. You’ll Google ‘ways to lose weight in two weeks where I don’t have to exercise or eat less’
And then you’ll say ah feckit, I’m grand the way I am.
7. A recommendation for good dressmaker/tailor will make you feel like you’ve found the Holy Grail
8. You’ll realise wedding underwear is actually quite manky
Lacy numbers? Sheer camisoles? Nope, your ninnies are more likely to be industrial-strength and flesh-coloured.
9. A roll of lace will make your wedding
There’s nothing you can’t do with a roll of lace, nothing.
10. You’ll become obsessed with visiting Knutsford
Bunting, wedding guest books, bridesmaid’s presents, décor and frames – it’s a goldmine.
11. You’ll go to every wedding fair in the land
Because you need inspiration dammit!
12. You won’t remember a time when all your conversations weren’t dominated by wedding talk
Seriously, what on earth did you talk about before?
13. Etsy will become your life
Prepare to utter the words: “Just shut up and take my money”.
14. You will learn more about icing than you ever thought possible
Royal icing? Fondant? Pastillage? Buttercream? Frosting? And that’s before you even step into the murky world of techniques and effects.
15. You’ll be a regular visitor to the homeware section of Primark
Strings of fairy lights at two quid a pop? Grand.
16. You’ll be able to identify more flowers than Alan Titchmarsh
Gardenias, camellias, gypsophila, hyacinths – by the end of your wedding planning you could get a job on Ground Force. If only that were still a thing. Sigh.
17. You’ll seriously consider buying your wedding dress online
ASOS Bridal, Ghost, Needle and Thread – I’m looking at you.
18. You’ll discover that people DO NOT RSVP ON TIME
If at all.
Why must they hurt us in this way?
19. But you’ll also discover that they will do anything to make things a bit easier for you
Ah Jaysis, sure they’re diamonds amongst the rough really.
20. You’ll have periodic panic attacks when you think about the cost of the honeymoon
But then you’ll tell yourself to cop on.
21. You’ll abbreviate like there’s no tomorrow
Because the new you is all about efficiency: MOB (mother of the bride) MOH (maid of honour) MOG (mother of the groom) BM (best man) OOTG (out of town guests) PINAC (pain in the arse cousin).
22. You’ll know every single venue in the country, intimately
So when someone tells you where they’re getting married, without thinking you’ll reply, “I know it. Capacity of 250 guests, 29 bedrooms, three lodges on the grounds sleeping four in each, extensive fish menu, gardenia (see) trimmed grounds with option of a gazebo for wedding photos, 4.2 rating on TripAdvisor”.
23. You’ll procure up all your hen and stag stuff from Oklahoma
Because partyware has just got cool.
24. You’ll realise just how amazing Manchester venues are
Think Victoria Baths, the Town Hall, and Gorton Monastery.
25. And you’ll even consider having your reception in one of the city’s restaurants
Cloud 23, anyone?
26. You’ll want to say your vows in Victoria Baths
Because it’s perfect.
27. You’ll bicker over the stupidest things
Like the font on your invite. (Garamond! No you eejit, it’s serif, we need a NON-serif!)
28. But ultimately you’ll realise none of that stuff really matters
‘Cos it’s all about celebrating your love. Aww.