It's Official - These 8 Health Foods Are Killing Us All

Bad news, health-freaks


Everyone's health food mad recently. I can't have a bloody burger without some kind of unidentifiable vegetable wrapped in kale with extra ylang-ylang berries sneaking its way onto my plate.

What part of "can i have a burger please?" makes me sound like I give a shit about my vitamin Q intake? Fuck off!

Well the laugh's on you guys. Turns out that it's not all low-cholesterol and increased life expectancy for you whole-food junkies.

There's a few foods that you're much better off avoiding, apparently.

1. Fruit juices and smoothies


What's more healthy than downing a whole glass of pure blended fruit? Turns out - a lot of things. Although it's a better alternative to sugar-loaded fizzy drinks, the sugar content of these drinks would make you sweat. 

One glass of orange juice is equivalent to a whole can of full-fat full-sugar cola. Plus the blending removes the fibre so you're less likely to feel full and will carry on eating.

2. Granola


I know you've all been there; thinking you're picking the healthy option when you go for a breakfast bar over a huge Mars bar. Well, think again. 

The calorie and sugar content is sky-high, making it more like a desert than a light snack.

3. Fat-free or low-fat yoghurt


Or fat-free and low-fat anything, for that matter. They suck out the fat, sure, but load it with sugar and additives to make it taste better than licking the floor. 

4. Almond milk


I don't know why dairy-free and gluten-free have become "health" trends, when they're just really inconvenient diets for those who have serious medical intolerances. 

But, people see the word "free" and don't think twice. For those who are lactose-intolerant or vegan, almond milk makes a great alternative. 

For the rest of us, it's lower in protein, and important vitamins and minerals such as vitamin A, B12, phosphorus, magnesium, zinc, riboflavin. 

The manufacturing process also makes it harder for your body to absorb the nutrients it does have.

5. Gluten-free anything


The same goes for gluten-free. If you're coeliac, for god's sake don't eat gluten! If not, gluten-free foods aren't necessarily healthier. 

In fact, they tend to be higher in sugar and fat and lower in the nutritious good stuff. Just don't go there.

6. Dried fruit


Dried fruit isn't all bad. It might even contain more fibre and anti-oxidants than real fruit. But you're trading this for a hell of a lot more sugar and calories. Plus you eat LOADS of it. Think about it- you wouldn't eat that many normal figs in one go!

7. Coconut oil


Coconut oil possibly has us all fooled. It's not any healthier than other fats and oils, being over 80% saturated fat- that's more than butter! This is bad news for your cholesterol levels.

8. Vegetable crisps


Vegetable crisps are the biggest con yet. Don't let the fact that they come from vegetables fool you- they're still covered in salt and deep fried to an inch of their life. 

Popular potato crisp brands know they're unhealthy and are trying to cut down on all the saturated fats and salts, but many vegetable crisps are much worse!

The problem with all this extra saturated fat and sugar in health foods is excessive consumption could increase our risk of life-threatening diseases such as heart disease and diabetes.

So stop downing those smoothies and put down your 8th "raw" baked cake. I know it's heartbreaking, I'm sorry!

The moral of the story is to enjoy your food, be it an almond milk hot choc or a huge dirty burger, but much in moderation. And always read food labels!

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