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Low Carb Restaurant Style 10 Minute Squid

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Ingredients
  • 1 Piece of squid (ask them to clean it up for you)
  • 2 Carrots
  • 1 Red Chili
  • Small Broccoli
  • 2 Cloves Garlic
  • 2 Limes
  • Knob of ginger
  • Chives

Squid is one of those dishes that most people automatically have an aversion to cooking. I mean where would you even fucking start as a home chef? You’ll find it in most supermarkets these days and it is actually really fucking easy to cook. There are essentially only two ways to cook it that keep it lovely and tender and not tasty like a used condom and that is either really quickly or really slowly. Given that we all lead busy lives and these recipes are all about quick wins we’ve gone with the super easy option and if we do say so ourselves it is absolutely fucking gorgeous!

Instructions

Step 1

The beauty of this dish is the quickness of it all and the serious lack of carbs. You’ll find squid in most supermarkets these days. Make sure it is fresh and that the bastards clean it for you


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Step 2

Grab two big carrots.


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Step 3

Peel the bastards and cut them into thirds.


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Step 4

Now you’ll need some mad skillz here so get a sharp knife and take your fucking time. Cut them into as thin strips as you possibly can.


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Step 5

You’ll have a big pile like this. There is no rush here I don’t want to be responsible for a bloody finger in between all the carrots.


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Step 6

Grab the garlic and peel them. I’m not going to tell you how to do that!


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Step 7

Chop the shit out of it into as small pieces as you can.


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Step 8

Grab the chili and chop the shit out of it too. If like me you like a little heat then leave the seeds in but if you are a big pussy and don’t like it too hot you can always remove them


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Step 9

Grab the knob of ginger (who the hell came up with the name “knob”)


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Step 10

Peel it.


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Step 11

Then cut the ginger up into nice little strips. Thinner and smaller the better


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Step 12

Set all that stuff you have prepped to one side. That is all the hard work nearly done. Piece of cake eh?


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Step 13

Lay the squid out on the table nice and flat. They’ll hopefully have cleaned it for you but just remove and dirty little pieces. The flesh should be clean and white.


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Step 14

Cut it into nice little triangle shapes. You could go for any shape you want really but I think this looks best.


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Step 15

Grab the biggest frying pan or wok you have and lash in a bit of normal oil.


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Step 16

The squid should all look like this right now. Set it to one side for the moment.


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Step 17

Fuck in the carrots, garlic, chili and ginger


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Step 18

You are going to have to cook these for about 4/5 minutes and you’ll want to do it all over a nice medium heat. The carrots are thick so they need to cook slowly,


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Step 19

While they are cooking slice the chives up as thin as you possibly can and cut the limes in half.


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Step 20

The veg should be starting to look like this. You don’t want them getting brown so a nice controlled heat is essential.


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Step 21

Fuck in the broccoli


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Step 22

Lash in a good amount of salt and pepper to season it up. The kitchen should be smelling fucking amazeballs at this stage.


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Step 23

Now this is the important bit. Lash the heat up to the maximum. Scrape the veg over to one side of the pan.


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Step 24

Fuck in the squid and we are cooking it for a maximum of 30 seconds on each side. MAXIMUM!!!!! Any longer and it will get tough like a used Johnny.

Step 25

Stir it all up and quickly squeeze the lime juice in.


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Step 26

Fuck in the chives and take it straight off the heat. Unless you were being a slow bastard the whole thing should have taken you 10 minutes tops.


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Step 27

Start plating it up using some thongs.


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Step 28

Boom. Lovely colors just like the Irish flag and tasty as fuck. Mega dish.


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Doesn’t it look absolutely fucking gorgeous? If you follow the idiot proof instructions it should taste incredible as well. See restaurant food isn’t that hard to re-create and the real beauty about this recipe is that the squid cost me 2.20 in Superquinn. A real bargain because nobody seems to know what to do with it and they sell fuck all of it!! Give it a lash and you’ll be amazed at just how easy it is to cook squid.

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