The 19 Stages Of A Lads Night Out In Your Thirties
Sod the Resolutions...
1. The usual suspects are on the Whatsapp group early in the day
"Who's fer a pint laters?"
2. The ones with kids and other responsibilities get their excuses in early
And they're secretly chuffed.
3. While others contemplate if the inevitable hangover is worth it
The 'thirties hangover.' A whole different beast to that perfectly manageable twenties version.
4. There's the debate over which pub to go to
"We went there last week and it was SHITE."
5. There are those who can't wait and get the cans in at home
It's only 2 o'clock but what else is there to do?
6. While the sensible ones make sure they're getting food into them...
Ideally round mum's house
7. Everyone gathers to watch the footy in the pub
Norwich City v Derby County you say? Well that's pretty unmissable.
8. Which finishes about half seven so now everyone has to speak to each other
"Sooooo. How's the new job?"
9. A couple of more drinks and the banter begins in earnest
The harsher the insult the better.
10. Those in relationships send sneaky affectionate texts to their loved ones
"Ya big sap!"
11. The deep and meaningful conversations begin
"I just feel like I'm never going to reach my potential, ya know?"
12. Someone always goes home without telling anyone
"Where's Joe? Oh for fuck sake."
13. While one or two always get ideas about hitting the club
"What's the worst that can happen?"
14. But you arrive there and realise everyone's ten years younger than your crew
What is this?
15. And the music is so loud that you can't have a conversation
This is shite...
16. The collective decision is made to go home
It is 1am, after all.
17. But not before stopping for food
"Three kebabs, three cheeseburgers and six bags of chips please."
18. You won't see each other for months so saying goodbye is hard
"Look after yourself, chief."
19. You retire to bed absolutely exhausted