17 Things You'll Recognise Instantly When You're A Mancunian Living Abroad
Ever spent time overseas? Then you'll know this all too well...
Ever spent a considerable amount of time away from home – and realised that the little quirks we all pick up in this wonderful city are considered somewhat odd abroad?
We've all been there...
1. Everyone in Manchester knows one another... apparently
What, didn't you know? If you haven't got a ream of anecdotes from your childhood with Noel and Liam Gallagher, you're no use.
2. You'll spend a lot of time lost in translation
The accent you’re so proud of will become indistinguishable from a Londoner's – and in America they’ll just think you’re Australian.
3. And nobody will knows what a ‘brew’ is
It's not just the accents that confuses everyone, but the expressions and slang too – you might as well be speaking Klingon for the confused looks you’ll get in return.
Ask for a brew, and they'll think you're a pharmacist.
4. You'll remind yourself of a geography teacher
Some people in foreign climes think Manchester is at the end of the Northern Line on the Tube.
Never forget it’s up to you to put them straight.
5. People WILL impersonate your accent
And there's nothing you can do about that.
6. You'll be asked: 'Where is up north?'
Because Manchester isn’t in London, it must be in Scotland. Just go with it.
7. And: 'United or City?'
Just tell them you’re a Stockport County fan. That’ll confuse them.
8. A proper night out will be nigh-on impossible to find
Natives will point you in the direction of some horrendous, plastic English pub whenever you express the need for a night in the boozer.
Oh, how you'll long for the welcoming walls and the clattering noise of ping-pong balls in Twenty Twenty Two.
9. Your social life will take a battering
All you want is a fellow Manc who understands that tea means dinner and dinner means lunch.
But in the end you’ll drop your standards and mix with anyone from the UK – you may be forced to fraternise with Southerners, or even worse than that, people from Yorkshire.
10. You'll suffer some serious summertime blues
You know its summer in Manchester because the rain’s warmer, which is why Mancs don’t understand foreign weather. Just what is that yellow thing in the sky?
11. Home comforts are all... at home
It doesn’t matter how many coffee shops you go into, with their fancy baristas and whatnot; you will never, ever find a decent brew anywhere.
And even if you do fancy a coffee, nowhere in the world compares to Pavé anyway...
We're open! Start the day for £4 coffee and cake. ☕️🍰☕️🍰😋 pic.twitter.com/Ol0ZHuF5vL— Pavé coffee (@PaveCoffee) December 13, 2016
12. But at least your accent is romantic and sexy
For some reason, Americans find the 'English' accent sexy, even if you happen to be a dirty old Manc who sounds like Bez eating a mouthful of hot chips and molten gravy.
So long as they don't think you're Australian, of course.
13. You will be treated as an authority on all things Corrie
Despite the fact you've never actually watched an episode in your life. Just say 'Gail did it' and move along swiftly.
14. Your social skills need to be re-evaluated
Drinking in foreign countries has different rules. Within Manchester, and the UK in general, most people adhere to the practice of 'buying a round' – be warned this noble tradition isn’t taken as read abroad.
So just because you've splashed out on a drink for your new best friend (who doesn't speak English, but you can still understand better than the Yorkshire fella we mentioned above), don't expect him to get you one back.
15. Some things are surplus to requirement in Manchester... but essential abroad
Confusing, but that stuff people slap on themselves abroad isn’t weird-smelling toothpaste but something they call sun cream.
Well odd, eh?
16. People will tell you how much they love 'Mad-chester'
This is 2016 – all those people from “Madchester” you speak of are either dead or appearing in I'm A Celebrity.
17. So in the end... you'll just smile and give them what they want
To make life easy, try reverting to stereotype, by calling everyone “our kid” and drinking 47 brews per day.