14 Things You’ll Relate To If You Spent Your Teens Underage Clubbing
We’ve all been there...
1. The Outfit Dilemma
You’d spend hours (ok ok - days) before going out, deciding which outfit and shoes to wear. It always came down to what clothes would make you look like you were over 18, resulting in over-zealous lipstick application and the classic pufferfish look. And always choosing shoes which you could barely stand in...because being 7 foot is oh-so-sophisticated (even if you're walking like you've wet yourself.)
2. The Pre-Drinks
Pre-drinks would usually consist of alco-pops (WKD and Smirnoff Ice = the classics) Sometimes, if you felt extra rebellious, you'd raid your parents booze stash (which obviously meant drinking spirits you knew you couldn’t handle and later seeing the grim evidence vommed up on the carpet.)
The teenagers in skins were #goals. From underage drinking at house parties to smoking in the park, teenagers across the UK watching the television series wanted to be them. Whether it was Michelle/Effy or Tony/Cook, those guys were idols.
4. Treating The Rents Like An Uber
If someone's parents were kind (or just plain concerned) enough to drop you off in town, you were limited to what you could talk about, trying to sober up whilst in the car and getting endless, yawn-worthy amounts of advice about staying safe on your night out. But soon as you were free, you made sure the money you saved on a taxi was spent on shots later in the night, ‘cos you fancied yourself as hard-core. Innit.
5. Memorising fake ID
Whether it was your sister, cousin, friends or neighbour's, there was always the struggle of trying to memorise every little detail of a borrowed ID and the pure panic when you got something wrong. Coupled with the task of trying to act sober in front of the bouncer before they let you into the club, it was always a scary experience.
6. Trying To Organise Who Goes Into The Club First
Remember the military mission of trying to organise who went in first, who went in with who and who had to try hide their face from the bouncer? It was always the oldest looking person in the group who was the first sacrificial lamb to the pit.
7. Arriving Prematurely To Club...Awkward
Getting into the club around 9/10pm to make sure you would definitely get in. Sound familiar? Cue empty club until the big boys arrived (ie sensible over 18s who knew the score) BONUS = dance floor to yourselves! Cringey-dad-dancing.com
8. Sneaking In Your Own Booze
Hiding a water bottle full of voddy in your bag, so you wouldn't have to pay the club prices, and going into the toilets to top up your drink so nobody saw. But always making sure you screwed the lid back on, so you weren't walking around emitting Eau De Cheap Booze (wouldn't help with a late-night pull.)
9. Meeting Your New BFF In The Loo
2am. Drunk as a skunk and chatting shit to anyone who'll listen. Problem is noone did listen - apart from that one person who's just as wrecked as you. You feel like you’ve made a best friend for life. Next day comes and you can barely remember your own name, let alone theirs. A short-lived but beautiful friendship.
10. Somebody Crying. Always
95% of the time it was because a love interest had failed to reply or hadn't put enough kisses in a text. Standard.
11. Friends Having To Stick Together
If one of you left the club, you all had to leave – bros over hos was the unequivocal rule.
12. The Drunk Texts
The photos through sober eyes were always shockers, but that's nothing on the drunk texts that felt like an everlasting stain on your dignity. Once it's been sent, there's no going back...
13. The Takeaway
Secretly the bit you were waiting for (because drunk carbs don't count. Obvs) the end-of-the-night-takeaway. Just before you head home to the shock of an empty wallet, picking up a big fat greasy takeaway is the only way to end your night. Some things never change...
14. Growing Up
There was always that naughty, rebellious buzz you got going into a club underage – but you couldn’t wait til you finally turned 18 to do the whole thing 'for real.' Looking back, it was always more enjoyable going out when you knew you weren’t supposed to be there.
Nowadays a chilled Friday night pint or a glass of wine after a hard week at work is pretty much the dream. Bunch of old foges aren't we?